Broken
by give-in-to-love
Summary: He gave up on them. Now they are both paying the price. Can they fix their broken dreams? Season Three AU.
1. Chapter 1: Nothing Here is Right

Title:_ Broken_

Pairing: some Vaughn/Lauren, Syd/Vaughn

Summary: Set during season three up to eppy 3.9. If you don't know what that is, well it's the one when Syd and Vaughn kiss, but not the time in the Korean prison and I much too lazy to figure out the name of the eppy. But it's completely AU from that point. It's a story of the aftermath of the kiss, and how I think Syd should really being feeling.

Rating: T for language, mature themes.

Disclaimer: JJ is the god of all things Alias and he owns it and so does ABC and its affiliates and I had no part in creating Alias. Because if I did it would still be on the air.

A/N: Hey guys. Well when I finished _For One So Small _I decided to put up another fic I was currently working on cuz, well I don't know. Don't worry; it doesn't spell doomsday for _Love Heals, _that still has a lot of life left in it.

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Chapter One: Nothing Here is Right

He really had to forget what her lips felt like, but it was nearly impossible. Every time he looked at her all he could think of was the taste of her lips and their softness. And as hard as he tried, he could not convince himself that the kiss wasn't his fault. Sure she initiated it, but he hadn't pulled away; he didn't want to pull away. He tried to put those thoughts from his mind as he struggled, noticeably, with the task before him.

"Dude, you okay?" Weiss's voice came floating through the comm link in his ear.

"Yeah" Vaughn replied trying to snap out of it.

"Well you look like your going to hurl and I don't think the CIA is going to appreciate you ruining a $5000 tuxedo." Weiss replied casually. "Heads up. She's coming."

Vaughn look towards the entrance of the ballroom and watched as Sydney made her appearance. His jaw dropped unconsciously as he took in her appearance. She was wearing a floor length red halter gown with a deep back. Her hair was her own tonight and was done in curls, pulled back slightly but out just enough so it grazed right below her toned shoulders. She looked utterly amazing.

He wasn't the only one in the room who noticed her arrival. Several men in the room were appreciating her openly, much to the dismay of their dates. A few of the bolder ones even approached her as she swept further into the room.

With a casual toss of her head she caught his eye and sent him a small smile. Her look made his heart pound and he licked his lips and decided to approach her. After all, it would only be normal for a single man at this party to approach a single woman. Vaughn stopped in his tracks, however, when the host of the evening, and their target, Juli Troch, went over to Sydney. He placed his hand low on her back, too low, and bent to whisper in her ear, with a glint in his eyes. Vaughn felt jealously rising in him and he resisted the urge to punch out the jackass.

"Easy Vaughn. Remember your wife's name is Lauren." Weiss's voice reprimanded.

The mention of Lauren snapped him back into reality and into the mission. He repressed his jealousy as he watched Sydney exit the room with the man.

"Cool. She's right on schedule. Okay Vaughn, take the back stairs up. Based on their conversation he is showing her his gallery. That's on the fourth floor, the third room to the right."

"Yeah I'm sure that's what he wants to do, show her his gallery, more like show her the family jewels." Vaughn muttered.

"Dude. Snap out of it. Syd can handle herself if that guy tries to pull anything. We need you at the gallery now so you can grab the card."

"I still don't like that we're leaving Syd to be decoy while I break into the safe." Vaughn huffed as he climbed the stairs.

"Vaughn. Shut up."

He found the gallery and slipped inside, hiding behind one of the large statues.

"Tell Syd I'm behind the statue of Aphrodite."

"Okay." Weiss replied.

Vaughn only had to wait minutes before the door opened and they enter. From his position he could see the man slowly kiss Syd. Once again, his jealously almost got the better of him. His lips froze in a silent scream of rage as Sydney caught his eyes. She had maneuvered the man so he was leaning against the statue, but her eyes never left his. Caught in her stare he reached out and easily picked the card from the man's pocket. Sydney waited until he was nearly at the door before flipping positions so that his back was facing the door and Vaughn. Vaughn ran from the room and ran swiftly down the hall to where the house safe was located. Checking the room for traps, Vaughn cautiously used the card to open the safe. He took out the papers that were there and closed the safe slightly confused.

"Well that was easier than normal." Vaughn said over the comm to Weiss.

"Yeah it—shit Vaughn get back to the gallery. The target's gone psycho on Sydney, he's throttling her."

Vaughn felt adrenaline pumping through him as he raced down the hall. As he burst into the gallery, he saw Sydney huddled on the floor and the target standing over her with a gun. Without pause, Vaughn drew his own weapon and shot the other man in the knee. When he went down, Vaughn hit him over the head with his gun, throwing him into unconsciousness.

The threat disabled, Vaughn turned to the unmoving shape that was Sydney. He pushed back the hair that had fallen over her face and breathed a sign of relief when he saw she was just unconscious. The only markings on her were bruising around her neck Vaughn lightly traced one of the bruises and considered killing the bastard but Weiss interrupted his thoughts.

"Vaughn, get out know. I don't know what alerted them but there are tons of guards headed towards you. Use the front stairs and you should be safe."

Vaughn complied, sliding his arms under Sydney and cradling her close to him. He allowed a few seconds to savor in the feel of her body before leaving at the fastest speed possible. He had almost made it out of the door of the mansion when Sydney woke up and started to fight him.

"It's alright honey, I've got you." He whispered barely registering the endearment he had just let slip.

She allowed herself to be carried to the waiting van but as soon as he placed her inside of it, she scooted as far away as him as she possibly could. Vaughn sighed and signaled Weiss to start the van. As they speed away, Vaughn watched as Sydney began to inspect her bruises. The silence between them was deafening. Vaughn wasn't sure what to say, if he should say anything at all. Syd was probably still ticked off at him, but that was to be expected. He knew he was torturing himself; he must be torturing her as well.

"How did he get you?" he asked, hoping she wouldn't flip out on him.

"He had some sort of alarm on him that went off when the safe was opened, I wasn't expecting it. The next thing I knew, I was barely conscious. He was extremely strong." Sydney replied, rubbing her neck. "Did you retrieve the papers?"

"Yeah. Is your neck okay?"

"It's fine. We should contact the office; let them know we have it. We should also scan them and send them so Marshall can start decoding them. How long do you think it's going to take to get to the safe house?"

"Syd are you sure you're okay?"

"Vaughn drop it I'm fine."

"No I'm not going to drop it Syd. You could be seriously hurt yet you don't care. All you care about is getting the job done. You don't care for your life anymore. Syd, that guy could have killed you, he almost did. But you don't care; you're just worried about the job not being done." He realized he was yelling at her, but he didn't care, he needed to let her hear it all.

"Well maybe being dead is a hell of a lot better than were I'm at now. My best friend is dead, my other best friend is in witness protection, and you're married!" Syd yelled right back at him.

"This has nothing to do with Lauren and me! This has to do with you not realizing how hurt we all were when you were dead and how hurt we all will be if you keep up with death wishes. I can't lose you again Sydney!"

"You already have."

Vaughn felt like someone had punched him in the stomach.

"You two behave back there or so help me God, I'm going to turn this van right around." Weiss joked from the front, trying to lighten the mood.

It wasn't very helpful but it kept Vaughn from shaking some sense into Sydney. The silence grew again as Sydney shot daggers at him through her eyes.

Thankfully they arrived at the safe house. Sydney burst from the van and into the house, not even looking back.

"You okay?" Weiss asked as he pulled some equipment from the van.

"What do you think she meant by 'you already have'?" Vaughn asked

Weiss sighed.

"You made a choice between Lauren and her. And you chose Lauren. She's still hurting. Give her time she might get over it."

"Might?"

"Vaughn, I'm telling you the truth. You hurt her real bad. And you hurt her even more when you act like nothing's happen, like you two are still together."

"Do you know that I have dreams every night that we are still together?"

"That doesn't change anything."

"I know but I hate it. I miss her so much Weiss."

"It will get easier."

"It's not just that, I realized that I don't love Lauren."

"That's serious."

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Continue? You like? You don't? Review! 


	2. Chapter 2: Let's Compare Scars

So as me and my brain currently argued over sleep, (it's midnight right now in new york and I haven't sleeped in 52 hrs, I decided, a nice little present for all me readers is that when you first go on the you'll get an update. Weeeee!

A/N: This chapter contains a semi graphic wrist cutting scene. It's not insanely graphic but I just want to make sure if anyone is the least bit uncomfortable with the topic to please skip over it. I am giving you fair warning! So if you are at all squeamish about certain things I suggest you stop reading when you get to it (I'll bold the firsts line from here it starts) and head to the next chapter. It will contain a nice summary of what you missed, told from a less graphic point of view.

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Chapter Two: Let's Compare Scars 

Sydney sat in the bathroom, carefully examining the bruises. Out of habit she took out some foundation to cover them. As she applied the makeup, she realized that there was no one to hide the bruises from. Everyone in her life now would know where she got the bruises. There were no longer any friends to hide her secret from. She tried to hold back the sobs, but they came anyway racking through her body as she cried for her lost friends. Since she had been back, it felt like all she did was cry. For the past few weeks nothing had affect her the way it normally had, every thing had set of an emotional hurricane inside of her. Learning how to compartmentalize had been one of her greatest accomplishments but now Syd feared she loss this skill forever. It didn't help that her and Vaughn had momentarily slipped into old habits. His touch, his kiss. They had sent fire through her, and for one joyous moment she was happy. But then it was gone, and immediately she had felt tears coming on. And then tonight it had happened again. He had held her in his arms and she was on fire, she was happy, but not anymore. Now she was cold and all she wanted was to stop the turmoil of motions running through her. Troubled, Syd changed and headed to the kitchen to have something to eat.

When she entered, Weiss and Vaughn were in deep conversation. Syd took advantage of the opportunity to quietly sneak in and out. Her movement, however, caught Vaughn's eye and he looked up.

"Are you okay?" He asked, yet again.

She wanted to yell at him again, maybe she would feel better. She wanted to tell him that she wasn't okay, that he should be with him, and that she only felt when he was touching her. She wanted to make him seen what he was doing to her, what she was doing to herself, but the words caught in her throat.

"I'm fine."

"We sent the papers to Marshall. We were just about to come and get you. Dixon's calling back in about two minutes with the results." Vaughn replied.

"Okay."

"You want anything to eat Syd?" Weiss asked, getting up and heading to the fridge.

"No." Her appetite had left her. She slid into a chair at the kitchen island, opposite from Vaughn.

"You sure? We have all kinds of soup and soup and oh, some beer."

"Beer isn't really a meal Eric." She replied.

"You obviously did not live out the college experience to the fullest if you truly believe that." Weiss said as he slid into the chair next to her and pushed a beer across to Vaughn.

"Oh and I'm sure being constantly drunk is the best college experience ever?" She liked talking with Weiss. He provided a much needed relief from the tension in the room.

"You bet it is."

The phone rang effectively putting an end to the conversation. Vaughn hit the conference button as Dixon's voice boomed.

"Good work, guys. Marshall's confirmed the contents of the paper."

"What does it show?" Syd asked, curious.

"It's an encrypted legal document. It states the union of two operations and names Juli Troch as the head. Here is where it gets even more interesting. The documents outline that all work that needs to be dealt with outside the operations bounds are contracted to the one and only Sark."

"What are they dealing in?" Vaughn questioned his brow furrowing.

"Right now it looks like solely information. But the documents also contain several coordinates that correspond with arms factory."

"Troch knows we have this information. Do you think he'll try to do something?" Syd asked

"Right now we are just going to keep an eye on these guys. The documents weren't very incriminating but it's possible he might try something. He didn't know you guys were CIA, right?"

"No he was too busy throttling me to get any information about who I worked for." Syd replied, feeling Vaughn's eyes on the back of her head.

"Okay. We'll send some decoy messages over the internet that it was a low level criminal group responsible. That should keep them unaware that the CIA has this information."

"So pretty much this group is just a bunch of talkers?" Weiss asked

"Their association with Sark could mean danger but as we speak, Langley is sending in operatives to infiltrate the organization. We'll be informed if any changes appear and more than likely, the case will be bounced back to us. But you guys can come home for now. Have a safe trip."

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Sydney was glad to be home. She threw her bag on the couch and went to the fridge to grab a bottle of wine, her fifth his week. As she poured herself a glass, her mind kept on flashing back to the rather disastrous plane flight. Weiss had made the mistake of leaving her and Vaughn alone for an hour. It was torture, sixty minutes of green eyed torture. By the end of the third minute her mind and body was screaming for alcohol to drown out his wrinkling brow.

If only Francie could see her know. Syd knew she would be in AA and Francie would have castrated Vaughn by now. But there was no Francie, just Sydney and her wineglass. No friend was going to appear to laugh about how they were going to be crazy old ladies together.

After the third glass, Sydney ditched the glass and carried the bottle into the living room. Lifting an imaginary toast to Vaughn, she gulped down more of the wind and flipped on the TV, the beginnings of a headache forming. She drank a little more to curb the ache, and was slightly disappointed to find the bottle almost empty. A little more never hurt she thought as she returned to the kitchen.

When three hours and two more bottles had pass, Sydney realized that the alcohol wouldn't be enough to dull her emotions this time. Her next option wasn't nearly as pretty as alcohol, but it had been more than effective every other time she tried it; it made her forget her feelings and focus on only one, pain. She ditched her wine and went to the bathroom, turning off her cell and unplugging the phone on her way. She didn't want any interruptions. Syd began to run the water in the tub, leaving the drain open. The back of her mind, the logical part, began to worry. She was too drunk, she had never done this before this wasted. But her heart overruled as it throbbed with emotion.

Pushing up her sleeves, she traced the scars from her previous excursions. No one had noticed the scars at work, no one cared to notice. They were all too worried about her emotional scars, much more than any physical scars she might carry around. But even with the emotional scars, they didn't care enough to really know what was happening. Sometimes she wondered if Vaughn did care, but Lauren stopped him from caring too much.

**It didn't really matter, she thought. It was too late for any concern. She picked up the razor that she had grown so accustomed too. **

(A/N: Last chance. It's not too graphic but I don't want to risk anyone getting offended.)

The pain was sharp, defiant, and distracting. It took her away from the other pain she was feeling and it made her focus on the fire that was spreading up her arm slowly. Her blood made pretty patterns as it mixed with the running water against the white porcelain. The drops made starburst before they were swept away by the running water, giving the tub a bizarre candy cane appearance. Without second thought Syd slashed the other wrist, marveling at the contrast between the deep red of her blood and the pale bronze of her skin.

She felt deliciously light headed before she realized something was wrong. Her right wrist's blood flow has slowed like usual, but the left wrist was bleeding more profusely then it ever had. Scared, Sydney tried to stop the flow and made the mistake of standing up momentarily. She collapsed as the blood started to flow across her body and on to the bathroom floor. She could see right to the front door from where she was lying and she considered crawling to the door and attempting to set off her alarm. Her world started to fade to black as she made it across the threshold of the bathroom. Her breathing was shallower as she realized her efforts were useless, and struggling to stay conscious she realized that her front door was opening.

There were no loud squeals of her alarm, and she silently cursed herself for forgetting to set the alarm as she slipped into unconsciousness. Her last thought was a pray that the intruder was kind enough to call 911 before he stole whatever he wanted.

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Reviews are welcomed. if you skipped over the last part, and you want to send a pm for a little non graphic info on what happened, I'll tell you if you don't want to wait until next chapter. Also people, feel free to check out my other current fic, Love Heals... 


	3. Chapter 3: Breathe, Just Breathe

Guess what day it is! It's update day! YEAH! -throws confetti into air only to have it land in eye-

Summary is written within the chapter for those who had to skip over the last part of the last chapter. Don't worry, you didn't miss much! . Thanks for the reviews and more are appreciated. Reviews equals Chapters!

Enjoy the chapter!

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Chapter Three: Breathe, Just Breathe. 

The plane ride was hell and Vaughn knew coming home would be worse. All he wanted to do was go and apologize to Sydney, to beg for forgiveness for everything. But instead he had to go home; to a wife he was sure he had never really loved. She had been a replacement, a distraction. He had fooled himself into thinking he loved her, into believing he could make himself love her, but had failed. He had loved only one woman in his entire life, and Vaughn was quite sure that woman couldn't stand the sight of him anymore.

Lauren was making dinner when he got home, a rarity. She never was the Martha Stewart type. She seemed a little surprised to see him.

"You didn't call." She said pointedly.

Vaughn knew he should give her a kiss, but after the mission, he didn't have the strength too. He felt a little guilty for not giving her his heart, but it wasn't his fault it belonged to someone else. Lauren wasn't a bad person, just a little moody and mysterious, but not evil.

"We got done early." He finally replied, realizing she was waiting for an answer.

"What did you find out?" She was always so eager to know every last detail of

his missions, acting concerned, but really just being nosy. He hated it.

"Dixon's going to brief us tomorrow. I'm going out again"

"Where?"

"Weiss's. We are going to watch the King's game we missed." And maybe persuade Sydney to forgive me, he thought in his head.

"Can't you do that here?" she whined. Sydney never whined, he thought. He hated it when Lauren whined, it grated on his nerves.

"No."

"You're not going to Weiss's are you?"

He said nothing, knowing she might be able to figure out his true mission.

"You're going to see _her_ aren't you?"

Ten points for the blonde bimbo, he thought bitterly. He was getting fed up with her suspicions, her guilt trips, and her general non- Sydney ness.

"And what if I am, Lauren? Why shouldn't I be able to go see her?"

"Because I'm your wife." She yelled.

"And she is a friend and right now I think that friend is in trouble. I am not going to sit around and watch her drown in this trouble." He yelled right back. Two can play that game, as Lauren looked at him completely outraged.

"You married ME!"

"Just because I am married to you, doesn't mean I don't have feelings for Sydney. I still care for her; I still want her to be safe."

"What about ME Michael?" You never spend so much time on ME!"

"Because life does not revolve around you! Sorry to burst that little bubble you obviously live in!"

"Your life should revolve around ME! I AM YOUR WIFE!"

"Does YOUR life revolve around ME, Lauren? I AM YOUR HUSBAND!"

"Do you still love her?"

"What?" That question came out of left field. Vaughn paused for a minute and tried to asses that best way to handle the question.

"Do you still love her Michael?" To hell with it. Lauren was asking for the truth and who was he to lie to his_ loving_ wife.

"YES, I still freaking love her. I always have and I always will. You can't change that. I'm leaving now."

"Fine, see if I care! Spend the night with your whore."

"SHE IS NOT A WHORE!" But Lauren had already stomped up the stairs, her blonde ponytail swinging behind her.

Vaughn grabbed his keys and left, heading towards Sydney's house. He fumed in the car. It wasn't the first fight him and Lauren and but the worst one so far. Vaughn considered heading to Weiss's instead to calm down before he saw Syd but he was in a pissy mood and only one person could get him out of it. Sydney.

He tried to call her several times on both her house phone and her cell, but neither was ringing. He was now more worried than angry when he reached her front door, knocking frantically. When she didn't answer his worry grew into outright terror, as he feared that they had gotten to her again, that they had taken her away. He tried the door, surprised to find it unlocked and he let himself in. From his viewpoint, he could see her, lying unconscious on the floor, in a pool of blood. She was half in the bathroom and he could hear water running. Vaughn ran to her, turning her over. She was covered in blood flowing from her wrists and he grabbed towels from the bathroom door, clumsily bandaging her wrists. He could see her blood all in the tub, down the side of the tub, on the floor, on the rug, and now on him. Vaughn lifted her into his and carried her to his car, whispering words of comfort in both English and French.

Buckling her in, he tightened the makeshift bandages, vaguely aware of the blood on him and the upholstery of the car. HE sped off towards the hospital, bloody fingers dialing Jack's cell phone.

"Bristow."

"Jack, its Vaughn. I need you to meet me at Los Angeles General. I'm taking Sydney over there now. She—she slit her wrists Jack."

"I'm on my way. Do not leave until I get there Agent Vaughn."

He hung up without even a good bye and Vaughn threw his phone next to him. Thankfully, there was little traffic and no cops as Vaughn made it to the hospital in record time. He lifted Sydney from the car and barged into the Emergency Room, yelling for a doctor. Two nurses brought him a bed, as he placed Syd's form on it and several doctors appeared, one started to rapidly fire off questions.

"I'm Dr. Forte, what happened."

"I don't know. I came home and she was lying in the bathroom. Her wrists were slit and she was covered in blood."

"Was it self-inflicted?"

"I think so."

"Was she drinking?"

"What?"

"Was she under the influence of alcohol or drugs?"

"Umm. I think so." Now that he mentioned it she had smelled strongly of wine.

"What's her name, and do you know her blood type?"

"It's Sydney Bristow and she's O negative."

"Are you sure she's O neg?"

"I'm positive." He wanted to add that he had been required to know her blood type when she was his asset, but didn't.

"Okay. Nurse Gret is going to take some more information from you." Dr. Forte said as he wheeled Sydney away. The nurse turned to him with a clipboard full of papers.

"Okay Mr.?"

"Vaughn."

"Mr. Vaughn. Are you related to Ms. Bristow? Her fiancé? Or boyfriend?"

"No to all three. We're just—friends."

"Does she have any living relatives?"

"Yes her father. He's on his way now. I called him already." And she also has a mother, an international terrorist of a mother. But I really don't think you need to know that, Vaughn thought.

"Do you happen to know if she's allergic to any medicines?"

"No." Something else I was required to know when she was my asset.

"Is there any reason you can think of that she would want to kill herself?"

"Umm." Let me think, oh yeah she just came back from being "dead" for two years with no memories, her best friend dead, her other best friend in witness protection, her boyfriend married to another woman. Did I mention that she's a spy? "No."

"Okay. And you quite sure her next of kin is coming in?"

"Yes." In fact I'm surprised his not here already with a gun cocked at the back of my head.

"Thank you Mr. Vaughn. When he arrives we'll talk to him. I don't know how much longer the doctors will be but Ms. Bristow will receive the finest care here."

The words no sooner left her mouth when Jack Bristow came bursting into the ER, with a look that would frighten the devil.

"Where is she?" he yelled, Vaughn flinching slightly.

"That would be her next of kin, nurse" Vaughn said, internally enjoying the look of fear on Nurse Gret's face.

"Mr. Bristow. My name is Nurse Gret. The doctors are with Ms. Bristow now. If you just wait and answer some questions for me, they should be out soon.

"Ms. Gret, I won't be answering questions, I want to see my daughter."

"Mr. Bristow, that is not possible until the doctors finish working with her. Your daughter's injuries are very severe. She lost a lot of blood."

"Jack, we should just wait for them." Vaughn said, not caring about the consequences of his words.

"Don't you have a wife to get home to Mr. Vaughn? I can handle anything my daughter needs from here on out."

"I'm not leaving Jack."

"Look—"

But the threat remained open as Dr. Forte reappeared and headed over to them. Nurse Gret introduced the men before handing over the clipboard and scurrying fearfully away.

"Well Mr. Bristow, Mr. Vaughn, Sydney is stabled. We are giving her blood transfusions and we stitched up her wrists. Her BAC was extremely high and we also noticed scarring from what appeared to be previous slashes. We believe she slits her wrist just enough to bled, but the alcohol clouded her judgment and she accidentally cut a little deeper. But to more serious matters, because these wounds were self-inflicted and life-threatening, she has to complete twelve sessions of counseling before she can leave the hospital, it's state mandated. We have an excellent psyche department on hand, I would be more than happy to—"

"Unfortunately doctor, Sydney can't complete the counseling with your hospital. Because of her line of work, we have to bring in a specially sanctioned psychiatrist." Jack replied

"I see. What does Ms. Bristow do may I ask?"

"She works for the government and that's all we can tell you. I can have her department send over a psychiatrist one who has worked with Sydney before. I'm sure you will find her quite satisfactory to her needs." Jack said.

"That's fine Mr. Bristow. We'll just have to check this outside source credentials."

"When can we see her?" Vaughn interrupted.

"As soon as I'm finished talking with you. She is sedated though, so she's fast asleep. But gentlemen, I have one more question. Do you know what could have driven her to do this?"

"No." Jack and Vaughn replied at the same time.

"Okay. She's in Room 147. I gave her a private room."

"Thank you Doctor." Jack waited for him to walk away before he turned to Vaughn. "I think you should go home."

"And I think I should stay here. I'm not leaving Jack."

"Goddamitt. Stop hurting her. We both know why Syd did this. It is because of you. Leave her alone." Jack spit out before turning to find Sydney's room.

Vaughn followed until they were outside room 147. As Jack went in, Vaughn plopped in one of the chairs outside of the room. He had no intention of leaving the hospital until Sydney did.

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Reviews are appreciated, as always! 


	4. Chapter 4: Sooner or later It's Over

Here it is the new chapter! This fic is going along swimmingly, in fact i keep on having random surges of ideas on differents endings. And of course I have to write each one down and its driving me nuts cuz I have so many great ways to continue this story, but I can't use them all!

I need to go to my quiet place!

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Chapter Four: Sooner or Later it's Over 

The pounding headache reassured Sydney that she was, in fact, not dead. She opened her eyes to the sterile white of a hospital room and the angry glare of her father.

"Hi Dad."

His expression softened, barely, concern flashing across his features, as Syd struggled to sit up, noting the white gauze around her wrists and the IV in her arm.

"Sydney."

"How did I get here, did the intruder call 911?"

"What intruder?"

"Before I passed out, someone was coming into my house, I assumed—it wasn't an intruder was it?"

She watched as her father seemed to have an internal battle over what he was going to say next.

"It was Vaughn, Syd. He found you and brought you here."

"Oh."

"What the hell do you think you are doing to yourself?"

"Dad…"

"They had to give you blood transfusions, they stitched up your wrists, they said you were extremely intoxicated, and they have found evidence that this is not the first time you have slit your wrists. What are you trying to do Sydney? Why do you want the world to lose you again? I can't lose you again Sydney."

"Daddy, I'm sorry." She began to cry tears that had been storing up in her for days. And suddenly her father was holding her as she cried, comforting her broken soul.

"It's just so hard Dad." She managed to gasp out between sobs. "I don't think I can do it anymore."

"Syd, I know it's hard. But you have to do it. You're a remarkably strong woman and you have to pull through. I can't bear the thought of losing you again, Syd. You have to be strong."

She stopped crying after awhile and her father pulled away, taking a seat in the chair next to the bed.

"Listen to me Syd. You can't be released from the hospital until you have twelve counseling sessions. I'm going to get Dr. Barnett brought in, but you are going to have to stay for at least twelve days."

"Okay. Dad you said Vaughn found me?"

"Yes. I don't know why he was at your apartment, but he was there. He drove you here, called me and had you admitted."

"He's still here isn't he?"

"How do you know that?"

"Dad, I know—knew him too well."

"Do you want to talk to him?"

"No. I'm a little tired, I just want to sleep."

"Okay."

She sunk back into the bed and Jack pulled the blanket up on her tucking her in like she was a child again. He kissed her on the cheek and turned out the lights as he left the room.

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Her headache had died down when she woke up, and Syd thankfully sighed in relief when she sat up and didn't get an instant rush of dizziness. The light streaming in the window told her it was day, but she couldn't figure out how late it was. As she turned her head to the night stand to grab the remote to the TV, she realized she wasn't alone in the room.

"Get out Vaughn."

"Syd." His eyes looked at her, full of hurt and worry.

"Vaughn, thanks for saving my life and all, but please get out."

"No" he snapped, grabbing her wrist lightly and turning it over, inspecting the gauze. "What were you thinking?"

"I think you already know the answer to that question, Vaughn." She said, pulling her wrist free. "What time is it?"

"It's 5:00 pm. You've been asleep for about 14 hours."

"You've been here the whole time?"

"Outside your room, once your father left I came in here."

"Don't you have a wife to go home to?"

"Syd."

"Don't Syd me. I don't want you here. You gave up on us. Go home to your wife. She's safe; she'll never end up in a hospital like this. That's what you want isn't it Vaughn? You want safe. You want the girl you can take him to your mother without having to do any awkward explanations. You want the girl who can give you the white picket fence and won't bring too many problems into a relationship because you have enough demons to deal with already."

"Stop attacking me Syd. I don't want safe, I never would have fallen in love with you in the first place if I wanted safe. Hell if I wanted safe I would have stayed with Alice wouldn't I? But no, I fell for you, hard. I feel for the unsafe option."

"Oh. So you only fell in love with me because I was dangerous?"

"Syd, that's not what I meant."

"Just leave."

"Please. I have been worried sick about you."

"Vaughn. Just leave me alone, please. I can't take you sitting here looking at me."

"I am not going to leave you here."

"Then just leave the room. Please. Just don't stay in here. We have to stop pretending everything can be okay, because it can't. We have to face the truth, Vaughn."

He looked like he was going to fight her, but he nodded and left. Relieved, Sydney grabbed the remote and flicked through the channels, looking for something distracting to watch. She passed up several legal dramas before coming across a horror movie remake. The lead actress was a spitting image of Lauren minus the cheesy accent and Syd felt a tiny guilty pleasure at watching as the woman was mercilessly butchered. The movie began to bore her after awhile and Sydney switched to a repeat of a hot medical show with more drama than her own life. Her father interrupted her viewing session when he appeared with some dinner for her. He had left the door open when he came in and Syd could see Vaughn sitting in a chair across the hallway. Jack made to close the door but Sydney shook her head. She wanted it open.

"I brought you some food, honey. I don't think hospital food is best for you right now."

"Thanks Dad."

"I also spoke with Dixon. He's going to get Dr. Barnett over here tomorrow. He hopes you get well soon. He—they think you should take some time off once you get out of the hospital."

"Are they firing me?"

"No. They just want you to get better Syd."

"Are you going to have dinner with me Dad?"

"Do you want me too?"

"I don't want to be alone."

Jack surveyed her, with all knowing eyes.

"Did something happen today while I was gone?"

"No."

"Syd—"

But they were interrupted by a loud commotion from the hall as a blonde came storming in front of Sydney's door glancing inside briefly before turning to the man sitting in the chair in the hall.

"YOU HAVE BEEN HERE ALL DAY?"

"Lauren, please don't scream. It's a hospital." Vaughn pleaded

"DON'T SCREAM? MY HUSBAND DOESN'T COME HOME ALL NIGHT AND ALL DAY. HE DOESN'T SHOW UP TO WORK AND I HAVE TO FIND OUT FROM SOME THIRD PARTY THAT HE'S AT THE HOSPITAL WITH HIS PRECIOUS SYDNEY BECAUSE SHE TRIED TO KILL HERSELF."

"Lauren shut up!"

"NO! I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYTHING BEING ABOUT SYDNEY. I AM YOUR WIFE!"

"Please, let's talk about this later." Vaughn said grabbing her arm.

"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME MICHAEL. I HAVE TRIED SO HARD TO MAKE YOU LOVE ME BUT YOU ARE STILL IN LOVE WITH _HER_ AND I AM SO TIRED OF PLAYING SECOND CHAIR TO THAT WHORE."

"DO NOT CALL HER A WHORE LAUREN! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO EVEN TALK ABOUT HER THAT WAY."

"I'LL TALK ABOUT THE WOMAN WHO IS STEALING MY HUSBAND AWAY ANY WAY I WANT."

"No, none of this is Sydney's fault, the problems are purely ours."

"I SWEAR MICHAEL; IF YOU DO NOT GET IN THAT CAR WITH ME I AM GOING TO DIVORCE YOU!"

"FINE LAUREN, IT'S OVER!"

"What? No Michael, it's not, I was just kidding, I'm sorry, please, baby let's talk about it."

"It's over Lauren. We should stop pretending and just admit it." his words hit Sydney hard as she surveyed the scene. Everyone was pretending; she and Vaughn were pretending they didn't care for each other, Vaughn and Lauren were pretending they did care for each other.

"But I love you!" the tears started to well in her eyes, and Sydney, so well trained in reading people, knew she was lying.

"I'm sorry Lauren, I don't."

"I am not going to let you do this to me! You better hire yourself a good lawyer because I am going to take you to the cleaners!"

"I don't care. I'll be over later to get my stuff."

"FINE!" she took off her rings and threw them at Vaughn before turning to face Sydney inside the room.

"Looks like you've won, bitch." And then she left in a flurry of blonde hair, leaving several stunned nurses and patients in her wake.

Sydney momentarily caught Vaughn's eyes before turning to her father.

"I think you should shut the door."

* * *

Don't worry. Lauren isn't gone forever, she still has some very important things to do. 

And also, just to make everyone a little edgy, someone will die eventually in this fic, actually two someones.


	5. Chapter 5: Don't Even Take This Bet

Me:-Glances at watch- One in the morning already! You know what that means! Alias S3 eppy on ABC!

Brain: Meg finish this chapter, you won't be able to fall asleep until you do. Alias S3 eppy can wait.

Me: No it can't!

Brain: Look, I can't go another day without sleep! FINISH THE CHAPTER!

Me: Okay -waits until brain stops looking then scurries over to TV to watch Alias- Sucker.

You know I really wasn't a fan of season three until after it all aired and I started to re-watch old episodes. I realized how great the angst was and it also help that I knew Lauren was going to die soon.

* * *

Chapter Five: Don't Even Take This Bet

His eyes met her brown ones for a split second before Jack swung the door closed on him. Bending over, he retrieved the rings Lauren had thrown at him. He looked at the light reflecting off the gold and diamonds before removing his wedding band and slipping the three rings into his back pocket. Vaughn pulled out his cell phone and moved into a bathroom, where no nurses could tell him to put the cell away. He hit a number on speed dial, still a little numb from the encounter.

"Weiss."

"Hey man it's me."

"How's Syd?"

"She's fine. Stubborn as all hell, but she's going to be fine. Look man, I need to ask you a favor."

"Do you and your dog require the service of my couch?"

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"I told Lauren where you were."

"That was harsh Eric."

"No it was an accident. She overheard me mentioning something to Marshall and then she threatened it out of me."

"Well we got into a fight."

"Okay, I anticipated that."

"I told her it was over. We're getting a divorce."

"I'm guessing she didn't enjoy the news?"

"She called Sydney a whore and a bitch, threw her rings at me, and told me that she was going to take me to the cleaners."

"I'll have nachos for you when you get here, you really could use some nachos."

"Thanks Eric. I don't know how late I'll be."

"You know where the key is."

They spent a few more minutes in idle chatter, finally ending with traditional see-you-later's. Vaughn waited a few minutes before making the next call, partly because he was unsure how to phrase what he was going to say. He dialed the number and hit send, cursing himself momentarily when he realized it was early in the morning in France.

"Bonjour ? (_Hello_?)"

"Maman ?"

"Michel ? Quel est erroné, cher ? (_Michael? What's wrong, dear?)"_

"Je suis désolé de vous réveiller (_I'm sorry to wake you_)."

"Ne vous inquiétez pas. Vous pouvez m'appeler à tout moment du jour si vous avez besoin (_Don't worry. You can call me at any time of the day if you need to_)."

"Lauren et moi obtiennent divorcés (_Lauren and I are getting divorced_)."

"Michel ! Qu'avez-vous fait (_Michael! What did you do)?"_

"Maman ! Ce n'est pas tout mon défaut ! (_Maman! It's not all my fault!)"_

"Comment ne peut-il pas être ? Avez-vous été un bon et dévoué mari ? Aviez-vous prêté assez d'attention à elle (_How can it not be? Have you been a good and dutiful husband? Have you been paying enough attention to her_)?"

"a pensé que vous n'avez pas aimé Lauren (_I thought you didn't like Lauren_)."

"n'importe pas mon avis de elle, oui j' ai pensé qu'elle avait tort pour toi, mais je ne veux pas voir votre échouer de mariage quand vous pouvez être heureux (_It doesn't matter my opinion of her, yes I thought she was wrong for you, but I don't want to see your marriage fail when you can be happy_)."

" Maman, celui est la chose. Je ne suis pas heureux avec Lauren. J'ai réalisé que je ne l'aime pas (_Maman, that's the thing. I am not happy with Lauren. I realized I don't love her_)."

"Vous amour Sydney (_You love Sydney_)."

"Oui (_Yes_)."

"Sydney néanmoins vous aime-t-il en arrière (_Does Sydney still love you back_)?"

"Je ne connais pas Maman. Elle a essayé de se tuer . Je l'ai trouvée et l'ai apportée à l'hôpital. Elle va être bien, mais-mais elle ne veut rien faire avec moi. (_I don't know Maman. She tried to kill herself. I found her and brought her to the hospital. She's going to be okay, but—but she doesn't want anything to do with me_)."

"Michel, vous l'avez blessée (_Michael, you hurt her_)."

"JE SAIS que je la blesse. Chacun continue à me dire que je la blesse. Je sais déjà je la blesse et je me suis blessé aussi, je souhaite que les gens CESSENT JUSTE de me dire cela (_I KNOW I hurt her. Everyone keeps on telling me I hurt her. I already know I hurt her and I hurt myself too, I wish people would JUST STOP telling me that_)."

" N'obtenez pas à une attitude avec moi Michel Christopher Vaughn (_Do not get an attitude with me Michael Christopher Vaughn_)."

"Je suis Maman désolé (_I'm sorry Maman_)."

"Maintenant, êtes-vous sûr vous n'êtes-vous pas heureux avec Lauren (_Now, are you sure you aren't happy with Lauren_)?"

"Oui (_Yes_)."

"Bon alors je soutiens votre décision. Je ne veux pas vous voir malheureux (_Well then I support your decision. I don't want to see you unhappy_)."

"Merci Maman (_Thank you Maman_)."

"Et je me permets de suggérer que vous commenciez à faire des excuses à Sydney ? Fort et souvent avec des fleurs et des chocolats jusqu'à ce qu'elle vous pardonne (_And may I suggest that you start apologizing to Sydney? Loudly and often with flowers and chocolates until she forgives you_)."

"J'essayerai (_I'll try_)."

"Et Michel ? Ne pensez pas que je ne suis pas déçu au sujet de mon manque d'enfants pour me corrompre, cependant, nous parlerons demain à ce sujet (_And Michael? Don't think I am not disappointed about my lack of grandchildren to spoil, however, we'll talk tomorrow about that_)."

"J'attends avec intérêt cette conversation, Maman (_I look forward to that conversation, Maman_)."

"OH, Michel. Queest-ce que je ferais sans toi (_Oh, Michael. What would I do without you_)?'

"Trouvez un autre homme pour harceler (_Find another man to harass_)?" His mother laughed over the phone, a deep rich sound that reminded him of happier times.

"Je t'aime Michel (_I love you Michael_)."

"Je t'aime aussi, Maman. Puits de sommeil (_I love you too, Maman. Sleep well_)."

He ended the call and left the bathroom, seating himself in the chair once again. Vaughn planned on staying there a little while longer, until Jack left, so he could sneak in and talk to Sydney.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was after nine when Jack finally left, casting a hard glance at Vaughn.

"She's asleep, don't bother her."

He hardly listened to Jack before, and he wasn't planning on listening now. Waiting until Jack was out of sight, he slipped into her room. There was one light on, near the bed, casting its soft glow over her sleeping form. She was tossing lightly in her sleep and Vaughn crossed the room to her bedside. He placed his hand gently on the side of her face. She turned into his touch and immediately settled; her breathing slowed and her movements stopped. He spent a few minutes gently stroking her face before giving her a light kiss. It wouldn't be wise for him to stay, she might wake up and then they would talk. He was quite sure what he was going to say to her, how he was going to address the obvious pink elephant in the room. Leaving was his best option and the one he planned to take.

He walked to his car, still parked in the emergency lot, in the darkness, full of conflicting thoughts. Driving towards his apartment with Lauren, he found himself getting more and more agitated. Vaughn sincerely hoped that Lauren wasn't there when he got home. He wasn't in the mood to argue anymore today, the conversation with his mother kept on replaying in his mind. She had told him to apologize to Syd, but he couldn't figure out how to, he felt as though the divorce with Lauren wouldn't mean anything to her.

Before he knew it he was at his blessedly dark apartment. The only one there to greet him was Donovan. Quickly, Vaughn gathered up all of his clothes and everything Donovan would need. He knew he was going to have to make a second trip, but he would work that out with Lauren later. Right now he just wanted to get the hell out of the apartment. Attaching Donovan to the leash, he managed to get everything in his car without dropping anything. He placed the dog in the front seat and ran back to the apartment to grab the pictures he had forgotten. On impulse, he tipped over their wedding photo, the resounding tinkling of breaking glass echoing in his mind as he grabbed photos of his mother, the one of his father, and the one he kept in his closet of Syd. He left all the photos that contained him and Lauren or someone from Lauren's family and left the apartment without a backward glance.

Donovan seemed excited by all the activity when Vaughn finally got into the car. He petted him on the head before starting the car and heading to Weiss's. He rolled down the window so Donovan could stick his head out, one of his favorite activities.

The ride was short and uneventful, Donovan happily wagging his tail and Vaughn hardly paying attention to anything. In fact, he passed Weiss's place twice, before finally pulling the car in. He unloaded the stuff he would need for the night and Donovan's things and headed to the door with Donovan. He was relieved that the door was open; he wasn't in the mood for searching through the dirt of the planter for a key. Donovan went bounding in the door, tugging the leash loose from Vaughn's hands, and right over to Weiss.

"Hey man, I got nachos and beer!" He called in a way of greeting, prompting Vaughn to drop his belongings by the front door before heading into the living room.

"Thanks Eric."

"No problem."

They spent a few seconds in silence as a sports game played on the TV.

"So do you want to talk about it?"

"Which one Syd or Lauren?"

"Either or both?"

"Neither."

"Mike, come on."

"No Weiss."

"Fine, then I'll talk about them and you can just listen."

"Eric—" he warned. He was in no mood right now to think about either woman.

"Shut up and listen. It's obvious that your relationship with Lauren is completely over. It's also obvious that your relationship with Syd is near to being over. I don't think she is going to care very much that you left Lauren, you hurt her. She's afraid you're going to do it to her again."

"Christ, when did you become a shrink?"

"I didn't. I'm friends with Syd too, remember?"

"She told you that?"

"Yeah."

"I wouldn't do that not again. I couldn't do that to her. I love her. I would kill myself before I hurt her like that again."

"Tell her that not me."

"She wouldn't believe me, Eric. You know how she is."

"Then make her believe you."

"What do you want me to do? Tie her to a bed and tell her she's not allowed to leave until she listens and believes me?"

"No, I am telling you to show her with actions and words that you still care for her. It's going to take awhile. Just make sure she knows you love her."

* * *

Oh there is nothing like a little Weiss to drag you back into reality. That's the only reason why I watch the new show Heroes because of Weiss. 


	6. I'll Go Crazy If You Leave My Side

I feel guilty about not updating before the long Columbus Day weekend. Sorry but I just got so caught up with going home for the weekend I didn't realize I forgot to update until I was on the train home! Reviews are always welcomed! Don't mean to sound like a review whore…who am I kidding, reviews make my day :)!

* * *

Chapter Six: I'll Go Crazy If You Leave My Side

The pain was still there when her internal clock forced her from her dreams. It was sharp and concrete, reminding her of the turmoil of the past few days and the climax of last night. _She_ had come…and he had told her it was over. Her heart had leapt with joy, if only momentarily. And then the green of his eyes brought her crashing back into reality as she realized nothing would ever be the same again. So she had avoided it, preferring to lock herself into the tiny bubble her father had offered. Her father knew well enough to ignore the subject, talking about everything but. She had never known her father could be so talkative, but they both knew the dangers of silence. Silence gave way to daydreaming and guilt trips; to other matters that drive the mind insane. Silence was the enemy in the room and she had drifted of to sleep, lullabied to the sounds of her father's voice and the mindless drone of the television. But silence had prevailed in her sleep and bestowed ugly visions upon her. Yet through the silence she had dreamt of him, back when they were still a "they". And that had stopped the silence, filling her mind with foolish fantasies that let her sleep, but upon waking, clenched her heart in the most terrifying of ways.

There was no "them" anymore. There was Him, her and _she_, the last pronoun pronounced almost as a hiss. There could never be a "them" again as long as there was that _she_. The future scared her now. There was a time when she saw him in it, now she could see nothing. As she sat brooding, she realized the silence was getting to her again and how the room seemed to be closing in on her. Now free of the IV bag, she grabbed a bathrobe and wrapped it around the flimsy hospital gown, walking slowly to the door. She was determined to get some air, to escape the silence so thick in the room. The hallway provided the much needed noise of a busy hospital, but it also proved more dangerous than the silence. He was there, waiting.

"Syd, you shouldn't be walking about."

He stood from the chair and started to approach her. She didn't know what she would do if he touched her. Her heart wanted to run to him and encase herself in his arms, but her brain screamed with the pain of all her wounds, of her broken dreams and spirit. Before her heart could object, her brain sent her flying away from him, down the hallway. A mistake. Still week from blood loss and other things she barely made it four feet before collapsing ungracefully into a heap. She willed herself not to faint and try to fight him as he gathered her in his arms. But she was rapidly losing the battle with unconsciousness and her attack against him was weak. He picked her up easily, like one would pick up a child, and carried her back to her room. She actually welcomed the black silence as it slid over her, extinguishing her fantasy.

Waking up the second time proved to be just as painful as the first. The first thing she saw was his hand furrowed brow and the memories that rushed through her seared like fire.

"You shouldn't have ran."

"I had to. I had to get away."

"You don't have to run from me Syd. It's over between me and her."

"That's the thing Vaughn. It's far from over."

"What do you mean?"

"Face it. We don't get the white horse and the sunset. We don't get the castle with the flying flags and the happily ever after. We get cool collected nods over a briefing table. We get the mad dash for our lives serving our country. And one day, sooner or later, we lose the mad dash for our lives. And then all we get is a standard government burial."

"Syd. What are you talking about?"

"Us. We don't live in a fairy tale. It wasn't the evil witch you tricked you into loving her. I'm not the beautiful princess you were deceived into forgetting. This is real life Vaughn. You gave up on us. And I have to stop pretending that we can go back to normal. I have to stop pretending I'll get the fairy tale ending. I have to stop pretending that we can work through this, that it was all a horrible mistake. All this pretending is killing me."

"We won't have to pretend anymore. We can go back to the way we use to be. We can work on it. I don't want to lose you again; I can't lose you again Syd."

"No we can't Vaughn, don't you see? Nothing will ever be the same again. _We_ will never be the same again. We've lost each other already."

"Just because it will be different doesn't mean it will be bad. We still have time to find each other."

"I don't know if I can trust you."

"Syd…"

"And I can't be in a relationship like that, I can't. That's why we were so great Vaughn. We trusted each other. But that's gone now. And as much as I hate to admit it we have to be true to ourselves. We can't be a couple again."

Her words were greeted with silence and she felt the tiny part inside of her that hadn't been damage break. Immediately she wanted to take back everything she said, blaming it on the past few days, but she knew she couldn't. She was right. They couldn't be a couple again; "they" could no longer exist. She looked him in the eye for the first time since the conversation began and saw his soul laid out for her. It was just as broken as her soul was but she held firm to her words.

"I love you, Syd."

"I'm sorry."

He got up and left her alone with the silence which didn't seem to be quite as oppressive. And as the door swung shut, her solid face broke and she dissolved into tears. She had just done a horrible thing to both of them, taking their already fragile souls and squeezing all the hope left in them out. Her stomach felt as though it had been torn to shreds as she tried to catch breathes in between the sobs. As much as she regretted her decision, she knew it was for the best. They had to stop pretending, they had to move on. If they had gotten back together, like they both wanted too, she knew their relationship would never be the same and they would both regret the decision. It was best to give them time to heal before trying to forge ahead. She just hoped the time she had cruelly forced them to take didn't kill them both.

As the day wore on, she planned out her immediate future to prevent herself from going stir crazy. She was going to put in for a transfer, somewhere far from Los Angeles, probably New York. She knew she would be granted the transfer after several meetings about how sad they would all be to lose their best agent. The transfer was what she needed to heal. They both needed space and time. A quick call to her father insured a lap top would be brought over to her so she could start searching for apartments in New York. She hand drafted her request, relieved when a nurse finally showed up with her laptop. There was a note from a father on it, informing her that he was "out of town" and her "friends in high places" would be checking on her. A quick check of her email revealed no new messages worth keeping and she began to search for apartments, groaning bitterly at the steep prices. By the time she had narrowed her search to three potentials, the door to her room opened and a large floral arrangement appeared. The nurse carrying it obviously was struggling with the heavy arrangement. On closer inspection, Sydney realized that the nurse couldn't have been more than twenty five years old. She smiled lightly at Sydney and waved a card in front of her.

"I have to say m'am, you are one of our best patients. Besides this obscenely large floral arrangement, we hardly hear a peep from you. I mean after we all meet your father, we figured you would be a spoiled rotten rich brat."

"Um thank you?"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"It's okay."

The nurse smiled awkwardly before scurrying from the room. She was left turning the small card over and over in her hand. Quickly she opened it and her worst fears were confirmed.

_Sydney,_

_My Maman told me to apologize to you with flowers and chocolate. And even though you tell me it is over between us, I still owe you an apology. I hurt you. I am so sorry. Please don't throw the flowers out, please accept my apology. That is all I ask, that you forgive me._

_Vaughn_

He had signed it Vaughn, not Michael or Mike but Vaughn. Her name for him. She found herself falling into is writing, that he had done what his Maman had told him to do. And that shook her slightly. She wondered how much Ameile of the truth Ameile knew. Would she still be telling Michael to apologize if she knew she was Irina's daughter?

She put the card with the flowers on the night stand and turned back to her computer screen, booking herself a meeting with a real estate agent in New York. She had no future in Los Angeles.

* * *

Hoped you enjoy the chapter. Don't worry there is more coming that is not the end. We still have Lauren to deal with! And the two deaths that I promised you. And if I was to end it there, I might get stabbed. 


	7. Chapter 7: Maybe We'll Find Better Days

I just watched Legally Blonde for the first time ever. And it got my thinking what I would do if I walked into class and Victor Garber was my professor and I imagined it would go something like this:

Me: Omigod. Jack Bristow! Omigod Jack Bristow! Omigod Jack Bristow!

VG: Please miss. Professor Garber and can you take a seat.

Me: Sure Professor Bristow.

VG: I take it you watched Alias?

Me: No, I _worshipped_ at the altar of Alias. Do you know how hard I cried when you died…"You can beat death Arvin, but you can't beat me!"

VG: (smiles painfully) Well..yes…

Me: ""Legally he's right, ethically he's an ass!"

VG: Please stop.

And it would probably end with me stalking him and eventually getting arrested. But come on, just imagine you walk into your first day of a college class and Victor Garber is your teacher. Wouldn't you do the same?

* * *

Chapter Seven: Maybe We'll Find Better Days

It had been five months and fourteen days since Sydney had told him to stay away. Four months and twenty one days since she had packed up and went to New York, reaffirming her position on "them". And it had been exactly four months since the tedious process of divorce officially began, with at least another to months to go, or so his lawyer had said. The division of their estate had been migraine inducing, Lauren willing to pick a battle over every little detail. So he let his lawyer fight back for him, he didn't really care who got the blue china given to them as a wedding present. He really didn't want anything from their marriage. He was even willing to let her keep his apartment, but his lawyer fought it away from Lauren and told him to sell it.

Since Sydney left there had been an opening in their tight knit organization, one that the Agency immediately filled. They spit out a naïve red head, fresh from the Farm named Jenn Thompson, Jenn with two N's she said when she had introduce herself. But no one found it funny. Her presence did nothing to fill the void they were all feeling. She was an adequate agent but her personality and charm were nothing compared to the woman who had worked here before. She became his new partner and as far as partners went, she was okay. But then again, compared to his last partner...But that was in the past now. Time had moved slowly for four months and twenty one days. Vaughn started to dread going to work; there were no brunette woman in the conference room anymore just a red head who couldn't understand why he was so sullen and a blonde who flirted openly in front of him and sent him evil glances when she wasn't being a flirtatious tramp.

For what seemed like the millionth time in four months and twenty one days he pulled up flights from Los Angeles to New York on his work computer. He chose a flight and a seat, entered in the credit card info and hovered his mouse over the submit button. He kept it there for five seconds before closing the window entirely. Maybe Jack was right, he just didn't have the spine.

He was pulled from his thoughts when Weiss caught his eyes, heading purposely for his desk. Vaughn swiveled in his chair as Weiss settled on his desk, grabbing one of his pens.

"Did you get the plumbing fixed in your apartment?" Eric asked, scribbling furiously one an old report that he needed to shred.

"Yeah. It turned out Donovan managed to get one of his toys in the toilet. And then manage to flush the toilet. Don't ask me how." He responded, trying to read what Eric was scribbling.

"Smart dog." And then Weiss dropped the report and pen back onto the desk and left.

Vaughn picked up the report and decoded the cipher, revealing the message Eric had left him.

_Dixon called a meeting for you, me, Marshall and Jack in sub room 4b at 1:00. Don't tell anyone._

He laughed internally at the last line. Somehow Eric had managed to make a covert CIA meeting sound as though they were teenagers sneaking out to look at Playboys and smoke cigarettes. He shredded the document and glanced at the clock. A quarter to one. Fifteen glorious minutes of fantasizing about flying to New York, knocking on her door, sweeping her literally off of her feet and into his arms. But fifteen minutes prove to be short as he was pulled from his daydreams to trudge wearily to the secret meeting. He met Weiss and Marshall on the way, only half listening to their animated conversation about something or another. Dixon and Jack were already there when they go to the room and when Vaughn took his seat, Dixon stood up to begin.

"I called all of you here because it has been discovered there is a leak in our organization, a mole. A Covenant official was taken under custody last week by a San Diego branch. He gave the operatives there information in exchange for some perks. He revealed to them that the Covenant has managed to infiltrate several CIA branches, naming all of the ones that had a Covenant mole working with them. Ours was on of them. After reviewing this information, the Agency did their own investigations. Congratulations, all of you have been cleared. But they have narrowed it to two people in our organization. Lauren and Jenn."

"Let me guess, you're going to give us a counter mission to expose them." Jack said.

"Yes the meeting that's called for 3:30 today is detailing a mission the whole team is being sent on. You will be going to Cancun in order to retrieve Rambaldi device from a dealer. It is highly coveted by the Covenant, but the guy can only give it to a certain person. We are hoping that the Covenant will use the mole to steal the device. Now once you acquire the device, Marshall you are to examine it. Really you are to tag it with not only a tracer, but with other things that could reveal the identity of the mole."

"Well I could alarm it so if it leaves a base it will squeal loudly. And I could probably put UV powder on it after its attached to its based, we could use a blacklight to see who has the powder on them." Marshall responded.

"Whatever you think will work."

"You're bringing in Sydney aren't you? He will only give it to the Chosen One?" Vaughn spoke up his mind racing with all the possibilities.

"Yes." Dixon responded. "She has already been brief in New York and will be joining the team tomorrow before you leave. She actually should be on her way here now."

"What time is her flight coming in?" Jack asked, stealing the words from Vaughn's mouth.

"Three."

"Well if we are finished here, I have some more work to do. And I won't be able to make the afternoon meeting. I am picking up Sydney at the airport." Jack responded, rising from his seat and leaving.

"You guys can all go. Just remember this meeting never happened" Dixon dismissed them.

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"So your tramp is coming back."

"Leave her alone Lauren." The 3:30 meeting had ended mere minutes ago and already Lauren was attacking him about Sydney doing the mission with them. They had been given their aliases during their meeting and he could tell that Lauren was fuming over him being "engaged" to Jessica Realin aka Sydney Bristow. He personally was happy with it, but he knew Sydney wouldn't be.

"I just thought I had seen the end of that little home wrecker."

"No, Lauren you managed to do the home wrecking."

He turned and left her standing there, trying to come up with a smart reply. He didn't have time for her nor did he want to make time for her. Crossing back to his desk, he planned to grab a few things before leaving for the day. But his actions where interrupted when Jenn sauntered over and planted herself on the edge of his desk.

"So who's this Sydney Bristow, besides Jack's daughter, and why is she stealing my partner?"

"She was my last partner. We worked well together."

"Oh and we don't? Should I be worried about my performance review?"

"No it's just that…you studied The Alliance at the Farm right?"

"Yeah. The 12 cells and it was brought down by the CIA a little while back. Why?"

"Sydney worked at SD 6. They had told her it was CIA, but when they killed her fiancé, she realized it wasn't CIA. So she came here, became a double agent and I became her handler. We worked together for almost two years before Sydney was managed to get information that would cripple the Alliance. It did. That's what we did together. We managed to bring down The Alliance."

"Wow."

"Yeah. We were good together." And not just professionally.

"Oh. Why did she leave?"

"A lot of reasons." Most of them dealing with me.

"Well I can't wait to meet her. She sounds like an amazing agent."

"She is an amazing woman."

"Why doesn't Lauren like her?" The questions were starting to annoy Vaughn. He really did not want to have a heart to heart conversation with this girl.

"That's an extremely long and complicated story."

"I have time!"

"I don't"

He said his goodbyes and almost ran to his car. He needed to get out of the office. As he drove to his apartment, his thoughts kept on straying to Sydney. They usually did, but it began to get annoying. Sighing, he turned his car around and headed towards Jack's apartment. He needed to see her and she would more than likely be with Jack. He knew his effort would probably be fruitless but he didn't care. Four months and twenty one days was too long to go without Sydney.

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Sorry for short chapter but I'm extremely bad at describing mission details and Marshall gadgets... 


	8. Chapter 8: Sit Down, it's Just a Talk

Thanks to all my loyal reviewers and big welcome to all the new people as well!!! Hope you enjoy the chapter!

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Chapter Eight: Sit Down, it's Just a Talk

It had been four months and twenty one days since she had left LA, since she had last saw him. She stood in the crowded, airport, a familiar yet alien sight. Her stomach tightened as she began to feel like a frightened tourist. Being given a plane ticket to LA seemed like an easy mission, but they had rushed her out in such a hurry they neglected to tell her who was meeting her when she got there. She knew Dixon knew about her coming, but from what they had told her back in New York, hardly any one else knew she was here. She had assumed Dixon would send a car or at least a few agents to pick her up, but as she wandered the airport, she realized that her assumptions were wrong. Dragging her luggage behind her, she tried to find a signal on her cell phone, but that proved fruitless too. As she plopped on a nearby bench, she took a few minutes to consider her options. So far the cab seemed like the best bet. Once she got settled in a hotel she would contact Dixon. She decided to rest a few moments as another plane obviously had just unloaded sending a mob of people towards the cabs visible just outside of the airports sliding doors. She watched all the people go past, her heart leaping and her stomach dropping, every time a man who even remotely looked like Vaughn went past. The sightings became more and more frequent and she felt the airport closing in on her. She needed to get out of there.

"Sydney!"

She looked up as her father miraculously appeared through the crowds, making his way towards her bench. Rising, her father drew her into a hug, and she fell into it.

"Hi Dad, I guess Dixon told you."

"Yes. There was no way I was going to let you arrive in LA alone."

"Thanks Dad." He picked up her bags, despite her protest and led her from the throngs of people into the airports parking garage.

"Where did they book you a room?"

"They didn't. I'll just book a room at some hotel."

"I do have a spare bedroom in my apartment. You're welcome to stay there."

"I don't want to inconvenience you Dad."

"Sydney, you're my daughter. You could never inconvenience me."

"Thanks Dad"

She smiled at him as they got in the car. The ride began is silence, Sydney was unsure of a safe topic to talk about. She wanted to ask about Vaughn, the updates from Weiss and Marshall had been suspiciously lacking in that department. All she managed to get from them was "bad divorce" and "incredibly sullen". Her father could tell her how Vaughn was really doing, if he was healing like she was. Unconsciously, she rubbed her wrists, the scars there still prominent. But if she asked her father about Vaughn she would more than likely not get the answer she was looking for but rather a lecture. And she was scared of the lecture because he would be right in everything her would tell her. He would tell her to move on like she said she was going to. But as hard as she tried she kept on finding she couldn't move on from Vaughn.

The car passed by familiar sites, turning her thoughts away from Vaughn and towards the joyous feelings of coming home. New York was nice, but In her heart, nothing could compare to LA. She leaned forward in her seat and rolled down the window, the sight and smell of the they city triggering waves of happy memories. She closed her eyes and breathed in the memories. When she finally reopened her eyes, she realized her father was staring at her lovingly.

"What?"

"That look of contentment on your face…you haven't had that look on your face in a long time."

"It's good to be back in LA. I'd forgotten how many good memories I have here."

"Do they outweigh the bad ones?"

"They're starting too."

"Just don't do anything to hasty. Give yourself more time Sydney."

"Are you afraid that if I move back, I will just go back to him?"

"That's not what I meant."

But the conversation halted when his cell phone went off. Jack answered the call and Sydney turned to enjoy the scenery some more, a little angry that she had been sharp with her father. But as they approached his apartment, she began to clam down. She looked at her father, surprised to see his face in his famous glare, his voice harsh but emotionless. He ended the call, snapping his phone shut as he looked to her, his eyes briefly flashing concern.

"Syd, I have to go out. Do you mind staying alone tonight? I wouldn't leave you, except it is an emergency."

"I'm not ten years old. I can spend the night alone. I have no problem with it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure Dad."

They arrived at the apartment and Jack helped her unload her luggage before he kissed her on the cheek and left. After she unpacked her things, she went to the fridge, hoping to find something to eat. It was empty except for a few bottles of water and Syd instead searched for the phone book to find a good delivery place near by. Fifteen minutes and one talkative delivery guy later, she settled on the couch with her pint of lo mein and her egg roll. Flicking through the channels, she found a chick flick and sat back to watch it, the sappy movie taking her mind off of her own problems for awhile.

Right about the time it was discovered the heroine had cancer, the doorbell rang and Syd reluctantly dragged herself away from the television. She glanced out the peephole before opening the door, her hand freezing on the doorknob. It was him ringing the doorbell and she began to debate whether she should answer it or ignore him. The internal debate lasted all of three seconds and she gave in. She opened the door and came face to face with his eyes for the first time in four months and twenty one days.

"Syd!" he seemed genuinely surprised that she had opened the door and she began to wonder if they had told him yet about the mole and her being here. "I—well I didn't expect you to answer if you saw me." Obviously he did know.

"How did you know I would be here?"

"I'm not an idiot. Jack wouldn't let you stay in a hotel."

"Oh. She folded her arms and leaned against the doorframe, hoping to discourage him. No such luck.

"Can I come in?"

"No."

"Syd we are going on a mission tomorrow and we are supposed to be engaged, maybe we should get a head start with being in each other's presence again."

"It's not that I can't to stand to be in your presence…"

"Then what is it Syd?" he steeped closer to her, making her step back into the apartment. She couldn't let him get to close.

"I don't think it is smart to be alone with you right now. We would do..or say things we'll ultimately regret. And I'm doing so well Vaughn, I'm trying to heal I really am. Being alone will just send us right back to where we started."

"You don't know that." He stepped closer again and she stepped further back, unblocking the door and letting him in.

"There. That wasn't so bad now was it?" he asked shutting the door and looking at her intently. "Where's Jack?"

"Out. But he'll be back soon. How's Lauren?" The words spilt out of her mouth before she had a chance to really think and silently she cursed herself as anger flashed in his eyes.

"I'm not exactly privy to that information anymore." He hissed.

She truthfully did not mean to hurt him by asking him about her, but the words had beat her brain to the finish line. Apologizing, she went back to the couch and sat down. She looked back at him, and he too came towards the couch, sitting next to her, but leaving space.

"I know we're not supposed to talk about it but do you think she could be the mole?"

"Yeah. It's the only thing I have really considered since I found out. I just keep on wondering if our relationship was a…" he faltered and Syd knew exactly what intended to say.

"A Jack and Irina story." She completed. She had also been entertaining that possibility. Somehow the fantasy that Lauren manipulated his love made her feel slightly better.

"Even if it is, it doesn't change the fact that I married her. That I fell for it. That I married someone I didn't love to get over someone I did."

She was stunned by his words. She didn't want to believe what she just heard. He had told her mere minutes ago that this wouldn't happen and now he just opened the can of worms.

"Vaughn please. You promised. You can't say things like that. You don't know how much damage you are causing to both of us."

"I'm sorry Syd it's the truth. It's been four months and twenty one days since I last saw you, since I last talked to you. I miss you and I can't stand it. I feel like a piece of me is missing. It's like those two years again."

"Four months and twenty one days?" She tried to hide her shock over those words. He had been counting.

"Yeah exactly. You've been counting too, haven't you?"

"Vaughn. No. We're over."

"Are we really Syd? Can we ever really be over?"

She didn't know what to say, how to answer. How could she tell him that she stilled love him? They had both been hurt and it was too soon to get back together. Sure the wounds weren't as fresh as they used to be, but they were still there; red, angry and broken. If they tried to get back together now they would tear them open and create new ones. They had to wait. She needed to tell him to wait. But would he wait? Would they still have feelings for each other when the wait was over?

Her thoughts were driving her crazy and his eyes looking for an answer pushed her over the edge. She began to cry at the exact moment the door to the apartment opened. Both their eyes flashed to her father as she jumped up wiping the tears from her reddening cheeks. She felt like a teenager, caught in the middle of a make out session as she looked at her father.

"Dad!!" Her voice cracked as she tried to force normalcy into it.

"Sydney. Agent Vaughn what are you doing here?"

"Oh he's just leaving." Vaughn took the hint and stood up as Sydney all but shoved him out the door, before closing it. She tried not to make eye contact as she turned to face Jack.

"I thought…"

"I didn't call him. He came over to talk Dad. Just to talk. It's over between us. Don't worry."

"Syd I don't want you to get hurt again.

"I know. I don't want to be hurt either. I've been broken enough."

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See Syd and Vaughn are civil to each other…most of the time. Next chapter we go on the mission and the first person in this story dies…mystery, intrigue, jealousy, and a good healthy dose of spy stuff! 


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